I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
