I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
