i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
