he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
