I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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