420 ftw
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
