I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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