the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
