mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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