bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
