I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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