This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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