4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
