I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
