apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
