I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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