Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
