the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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