he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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