Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize