i already hear my dad disowning me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize