she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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