And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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