The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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