I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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