No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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