I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
