thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
