we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize