i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
