Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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