so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My life is pants optional.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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