i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
