I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
