I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
