I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize