Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
