We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
