My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
