how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
