I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
