problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
