i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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