do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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