thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
