totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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