i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
