Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
