Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
