ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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