i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
