my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize