At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
