He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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