I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
high people should be assigned attendants
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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