god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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