you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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