wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize