just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
