Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
