New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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