well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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