so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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