you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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