Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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