There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The ass gains better be worth it
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