I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you will always have a special place in my vag
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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